He’s Just Not That Into You

I watched the movie a couple of days ago and I immediately had the urge to write about it. The movie starred a lot of big names like Jennifer Aniston, Bradley Cooper, Kevin Connely, Scarlet Johansen, Justin Long, etc. It was based on the same term first introduced in Sex and the City, when Miranda was waiting for a cool date to call her back. Until she learned that “He’s Just Not That Into You” and had an epiphany about all her previous dates she thought went well but never heard from them again. This inspired the writers to write a book about this and how women fool themselves into hours of waiting by the phone for the guy to call, or their boyfriend to commit, etc.

I remembered one incident when I was single. I was out with my girlfriends partying at a local club. I was dancing and having fun. A couple of guys sitting next to us struck up a conversation with us. One of the guy, Chris, was rather reserved and seemed a lot more composed than his crazy party friend. We started talking. He wore glasses, was in a nice clean button down white shirt and jeans, clean haircut and very mature. We had a great conversation for the rest of the night.

After clubbing, we went for supper at the mamak outside the club. They were heading back to their apartment and asked for a ride. It was somewhat on the way home for me, so I gave them a lift. Chris sat in front with me and we continued talking the night away. Nice, engaging conversation – not some drunk party small talk.

Once I got to their apartment, he invited me up. I just met the guy, and my friend’s not with me. I decided to be safe and passed. They got off the car and I kept waiting for Chris to ask for my number. He didn’t. I drove home disappointed because I thought we had a good chemistry.

I spoke to my girlfriend the next day and she said she gave her number to the other guy. A few days passed and I heard that Chris got my number from my girlfriend. So for the next few days, I was eagerly waiting for the phone call. It didn’t happen. Then my girlfriend told me after speaking to Chris’ friend, that Chris was out of town for the week. So I thought, “Oh. He must be busy working. Maybe he’ll call next week when he’s back in town and ask for a proper date.”

A week passed and no calls. Guess what? I spoke to my girlfriend after that and got her to get me Chris’ number. I thought, if he didn’t call me, I can call him? What day and age are we living in right now that the girl can’t make the first move? Exactly what Jen Aniston’s character said in the movie.

After getting Chris’ number, I spent a few more days pondering (and giving him a bigger window to call me) and I picked up the phone. I called him and identified myself. He remembered me, like “Oh, yes. How are you?” Which was disappointing for me as I was hoping for more enthusiasm. Well, kinda secretly hoping that he’s been thinking of me and not surprised to hear from me. After a quick conversation, I established that he was just not interested. I hung up, disappointed that I misread his intention and interest. But most importantly, disappointed that I threw myself out there.

In conclusion, when I saw the movie, it was very reminiscent of myself after a fun night with a guy, thinking that there’s interest and chemistry, when in actual fact, it was not mutual at all. In the movie, they teach you that if the guy likes you, he would call. If he likes you, he would make the move. If he didn’t, the women should stop concocting weird imaginations and excuses in her mind and just accept that “He’s Just Not That Into You.” No more, what if he was…. or Maybe he is… Stop doing this to ourselves by creating false hope.

The main lesson in the movie is that when you hear of a friend or a friend of a friend who’s been through exactly what you have, but everything turned out great and right for her. This is a classic denial for us when there’s such false hope, thinking that we could be in the same situation. Basically, in the movie, we learn that So unless you personally have a dream fairy tale romantic love story, which is a small percentage of the population. Chances are, we are the rule and the majority where love stories don’t happen to us. No major gesture of a marriage proposal on a full page newspaper ad or billboard.

Boyfriends writing a love song for you, chasing through the airport with a giant declaration of love in public. These are exceptional cases. If you’re one of those – good for you. But for the rest of us, we get married with a dinner proposal, or through a mature conversation and no major proposal. Guys just take your number and drop you an SMS or e-mail or IM. It sounds sad, but really, to find someone you like and likes you back, is special on its own. Not sad at all.

Also to have someone who loves you in spite of your flaws, is even me special. Stop kidding ourself to think that we deserve a big movie plot romance. Be happy that you find someone special. Or live our life “normally” when trying to find someone. I disappointed myself with my major gesture of going so out there asking for a guy’s number, calling him and getting the hint that he’s really not interested.

I guess we all have to learn somehow. I learnt the hard way. But for those of you who have not gone through what I did, be thankful that you have a movie to teach you that rule. Seriously, stop being in denial and learn already, ladies!!!

“They are an exception. For the rest of us, we are the rule.”

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